In a severe blow to any Dougs, Duggies, Douglases or Dougals hoping to enjoy a barbie meal on Surbiton’s Ravens Ait, just off Queens Prom, the Thames island has introduced a tough new policy.

It has decided to crack down on dugs, according to the sign which has appeared in the loos.

“Disappointed,” was the measured response of Second World War General Douglas MacArthur. “42,” said Douglas Adams, author of The Hitchhiker’s Guide. “I’ll just have to go to New Malden,” said Field Marshall Douglas Haig, while Douglas Bader said he’d find somewhere else to get legless.